It's possibly worth remembering that this document is a statement of general principles (beliefs). It is NOT meant to be the constitution or a detailed listing of every personal platform that is allowable or not within Asgardian society. For what it's worth I think most of the difficulties are a "lost in translation" issue (from Russian to English). I am not very good at legal or even business level wording however here are a few of my suggestions:
1. Asgardia is a free and unified space state. I think the intent is to say that we are all in general agreement with the objectives of Asgardia and the principles of the society. This is also a declaration that Asgardia is a free state in control of it's own destiny.
The difficulty, as Yovi pointed out, is that "unified" is either not the right wording or it needs to be defined in what we are unified. Maybe something like "...unified by common objectives and principles as defined below...".
2. the objectives of Asgardia are to:
• ensure peace in space
• ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind from outer space
• ensure equal opportunities in space for all Asgardians living on Earth, regardless of
geographic, financial, technological and other features of the countries of their earthly
citizenship. The second point needs to be reworded for proper grammar. Maybe something like >"ensure the protection of planet Earth and humankind from threats from space.". It's possible that the writers wished to segregate natural space threats and man made space threats in this statement. If that is the case then instead of using the words "outer space" the distinction should be defined. The last point may be improved with "ensure equal opportunity in space for all Asgardians regardless of geographic, financial, technological or other situations within the countries of Earth in which they are citizens, or in space."
3. Any citizen of Earth can become a citizen of Asgardia, if he concurs with this Declaration, accepts the Future Constitution and legislation of Asgardia. The intent is that anyone can become a citizen if they agree to and follow the principles and laws of Asgardian society. As earth has no citizenship and this document is also for the future "Any person can become a citizen of Asgardia if they concur with and accept the Asgardian Declaration of Unity, Constitution and legislation". Although there could be debate concerning what acceptance means.
4. All citizens of Asgardia are equal, regardless of their country of origin, residence, citizenship, race, nation, gender, language, or financial standing. The intent here surely, is to state that all citizens of Asgardia have equal status and opportunity. The current statement mentions details which have already lead to offenses that either something was included (eg. race) or wasn't included (eg. LGBT). Just state the principle "All citizens of Asgardia are equal, having equal social standing and opportunity within Asgardian society".
5. Asgardia respects the laws of the states on Earth and the international agreements and wishes to be recognized as equal country among other states on Earth. In English this comes across as a plea, begging for recognition. "Asgardia respects the laws of states of Earth and international law as recognised by the relevant Earth organisations"
6. Asgardia does not interfere in the affairs of the states on Earth on the principle of reciprocity. I know the intent is to say Asgardia won't interfere and expects that other nations will reciprocate and leave Asgardia alone however that needs to be stated clearly. "Asgardia does not interfere in the affairs of the states of Earth and claims the right to conduct it's social affairs without interference from other states of Earth.". Maybe a bit provocative though
7. Asgardia takes part in events on Earth at an international level, like any other country, based on its membership in respective international organizations. In English this interprets as a bit of a plea. "Asgardia takes part in events on Earth at an international level as a sovereign state, based on it's membership in relevant international organisations."
8. Asgardia respects the rights of citizens of Earth states, and protects the rights of its own citizens when it comes to their exclusive rights as citizens of the Space State. Define what the rights of citizens of other states are (Asgardians rights should be defined in the constitution). "Asgardia respects the rights of citizens of Earth states as defined by relevant international law and treaties, and protects the rights of it's own citizens and their exclusive rights as a citizen of the space nation."
Statements 5-8 are declarations of "sovereignty of state". Asgardia is proclaiming it's sovereignty as a state and defining the principles of how it interacts with other sovereign states. These must be politically correct or there is no chance of recognition by any other state or organisation.
9. Asgardia does not engage in politics, there is no place for political parties in Asgardia. But every Asgardian can freely participate in political life on Earth. Surely the intent and not the political system is what we are looking at here. At this stage we don't know exactly what the layout of Asgardia's political system will be so let's just stick to the principle that we don't want the political nonsense and corruption we have currently on Earth. "Politics" is being used here for a concept of lobbying for your own benefit and power with no concern for others. This needs to be defined so that no one confuses this principle with a definition of the political system Asgardia adopts. I admit I don't really know how at the moment.
10. Asgardia mirrors the Earth, but it does not respect the Earth boarders. At the same time, in the framework of earthly law every Asgardian can freely live within the borders of any earthly country. In English this actually means Asgardia does not recognise the sovereignty of Earth states. Please correct me if I'm wrong but the intent is to state that Asgardia is not beholden to any earthly state borders and is unencumbered by geographical boundaries. Perhaps "Asgardia is involved with and will protect the Earth and humankind, however, as Asgardia is a space state, Asgardia is not bound by geographical boundaries set on Earth. To this end and within the laws of each Earthly state, Asgardian citizens can hold citizenship of Earthly states and are free to live within those Earthly states"
11. Asgardia is a country of free spirit, science and internationalism. At the same time, every Asgardian can freely practice any religion on Earth. I'm not sure what "a free spirit" is however I think the intent is that Asgardia encourages progressive scientific and internationally based thinking however does not condemn or judge people on the basis of religion as long as they practice it on Earth. Perhaps just state "Asgardia as a state encourages progressive scientific research, thinking and international co-operation" Then another point could be something like "Asgardian citizens are free to practice religion, sexuality, lifestyles and other personal choices which do not interfere with, judge, harm or proselityse other Asgardians. Within the Earthly states, of which Asgardian citizens may also be citizens, they may practice their own personal belief systems within the laws of that state." Although that is more like a statement from a Constitution rather than this declaration of unity and principle.
12. There is no place for Earth history in Asgardia. Asgardia creates a new history of the future of the humankind. I'm pretty sure the intent is to actually say Asgardia wont be repeating the same thinking and process as our interminable horrible history on Earth. So perhaps something like "Asgardia is a new start, creating a new history. The previous Earth history will not be used as the basis for the thoughts, invention, development, or teaching. There is no place for repetition of the thinking and procession of previous Earth history within the Asgardian future"
We, the people of Asgardia, will do everything for the prosperity of our new space country created by us; for the protection of our motherland - planet Earth; and development of the entire humankind in space. One humanity - one unity. This Declaration is a primary document for the creation of the ASGARDIA - the Space State The intent is to state Asgardias' citizen's unity of purpose and goal within the framework of a nation state. "We, the people of Asgardia, will strive together for the prosperity of the space nation created and preserved by us, for the protection of planet Earth and the propagation and development of humankind in space. One humanity - One unity. This Declaration of Unity is the primary statement of the principles of the society of ASGARDIA, a space nation."