@Jason Rainbow in that case, this is my opinion:
1. Asgardia is a free and unified space state.
OK. Can we define "Unity?" What do we mean by unified? Since the purpose is to declare unity, we must be clear as to what we mean by that so, please, make sure it is defined.
2. The objectives of Asgardia are to:
• ensure peace in space
• ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind from outer space threats;
• ensure equal opportunities in space for all Asgardians living on Earth, regardless of geographic, financial, technological and other features of the countries of their earthly citizenship.
OK. I understand this clearly and I agree with this, but this does not define "Unity." Still, I think I understand why you put it here and I think it is good to remind people what our mission is and the reason why it requires "Unity."
3. Any citizen of Earth can become a citizen of Asgardia, if he concurs with this Declaration, accepts the Future Constitution and legislation of Asgardia.
This is very reasonable -- I agree. If you don't agree with our mission why do you want to be here? You must agree and uphold this values as a citizen of Asgardia.
4. All citizens of Asgardia are equal, regardless of their country of origin, residence, citizenship, race, nation, gender, language, or financial standing.
Like my fellow Asgardians have said, we must be sure everyone is protected and feels secure if they want to be part of Asgardia. We must find a way for this statement to be all-inclusive without risking being misinterpreted as being exclusive of some people because we forgot to mention them.
5. Asgardia respects the laws of the states on Earth and the international agreements and wishes to be recognized as equal country among other states on Earth.
Are we going to wish forever to be recognized? Do we want the Declaration of Unity to remain as the heritage for future Asgardians? Please, get rid of the part that says "and wishes to be recognized as equal country among other states on Earth." We know that's our goal now, but when we achieve it, if this Declaration is meant to be permanent, that sentence is going to sound strange (even with the historical reference). We must write with the future in mind -- let's look ahead and don't get stuck on the moment because our situation is going to be in constant change, but our ideals and goals most remain constant.
6. Asgardia does not interfere in the affairs of the states on Earth on the principle of reciprocity.
7. Asgardia takes part in events on Earth at an international level, like any other country, based on its membership in respective international organizations.
8. Asgardia respects the rights of citizens of Earth states, and protects the rights of its own citizens when it comes to their exclusive rights as citizens of the Space State.
What Space State? Asgardia? Please, make sure you write Asgardia Space State. This is good practice to avoid future confusion, especially with Asgardians who don't speak one of the main languages and have to use the auxiliary English language.
9. Asgardia does not engage in politics, there is no place for political parties in Asgardia. But every Asgardian can freely participate in political life on Earth.
This is not realistic, and it is unreasonable. By virtue of seeking recognition as a state, Asgardia is engaging in politics. We also have a political body that was self-appointed and we will have elections. Politics cannot be overridden because, in one way or another, the question of governance will be present. Unless you are planning a monarchy or a dictatorship of some sort. And in that case, you are still engaging in politics while excluding those who are not part of the governing elite. That is unacceptable by the standards Asgardia wants to be measured by and wants to measure by. We must device a system that works and that is corruption-proof. This will take time, but you will see it will become necessary for a functioning state.
10. Asgardia mirrors the Earth, but it does not respect the Earth borders. At the same time, in the framework of earthly law every Asgardian can freely live within the borders of any earthly country.
This sounds dangerous. How can you not respect Earth borders? Are yo planning to invade a country? Please, clarify this and reword it.
11. Asgardia is a country of free spirit, science and internationalism. At the same time, every Asgardian can freely practice any religion on Earth.
What is "free spirit" and what does it have to do with religion? Please, define this term. Maybe religion should have a separate point? Just a suggestion.
12. There is no place for Earth history in Asgardia. Asgardia creates a new history of the future of the humankind.
Agree with everybody else, one should not forget history at the expense of becoming guilty of repeating its mistakes. History is important and future generations need to learn it. Maybe rephrase this because I think this is not what you meant to say.
We, the people of Asgardia, will do everything for the prosperity of our new space country created by us;
for the protection of our motherland - planet Earth;
and development of the entire humankind in space.
Interesting. What is "everything?" This word is very vague. This needs to be rephrased to something more concrete like "We, the people of Asgardia, have the duty to fight for the prosperity..." Or "We, the people of Asgardia, must work together for the prosperity..." You need an action verb, not a pronoun.
One humanity - one unity.
This Declaration is a primary document for the creation of the ASGARDIA - the Space State
This is my opinion dear fellow Asgardians.
~~One humanity. One unity.