Errors

10 Asgardia mirrors the Earth, but it does not reflect the Earth boarders. At the same time, in the framework of earthly law every Asgardian can freely live within the borders of any earthly country.

Borders, not boarders. I expect we would be reflecting boarders only if hostile. ;)

Clarifications

3 Any citizen of Earth can become a citizen of Asgardia, if he concurs with this Declaration, accepts the Future Constitution and legislation of Asgardia.

Ok, so this leads me to believe that the 'space nation' part of Asgardia is not for everyone. According to this statement, anyone can be an Asgardian, but the whole 'living in space' part would be limited, because there is no way in hell we could fit 8 billion people in space if everyone signed up.

This statement means Asgardia is more of a declaration of principle and intent. The closest analogy I can think of is something like Starfleet, from Star Trek, but still having nations on Earth.

4 All citizens of Asgardia are equal, regardless of their country of origin, residence, citizenship, race, nation, gender, language, or financial standing.

Should be reworded as "All citizens of Asgardia are equal in the eyes of the law." No need to go into detail. This removes all labels from the legal process and just treats individuals as individuals.

9 Asgardia does not engage in politics, there is no place for political parties in Asgardia. But every Asgardian can freely participate in political life on Earth.

Political parties are a form of both free speech and political assembly. While I dislike political parties in principle, I understand that restricting them would also restrict both free speech and assembly. This point would need to be heavily clarified to explain how it doesn't infringe on both of these generally considered universal freedoms.

11 Asgardia is a country of free spirit, science and internationalism. At the same time, every Asgardian can freely practice any religion on Earth.

Do not limit the religions to Earth. If this nation is to persist for hundreds of years, it should be presumed that religions will originate from other places than Earth. As such, just remove the last two words here.

Also, because religions can be created, a clarification should also be made that individual liberties trump religious liberties, to prevent individuals from saying that their religion requires everyone in their vision to wear red and have that be enforceable in any fashion.

12 There is no place for Earth history in Asgardia. Asgardia creates a new history of the future of the humankind.

WTF? What does this mean? Does this mean we wouldn't be studying Earth's history in schools? It is a symbolism thing?

Can't say I agree with the bit about history. I mean, we learn about American history in England. Asgardia shouldn't just abandon its heritage as a nation. (from earth I mean).

I believe we will see some clarification before this is fully finished, but I like what I see and will definitely except it when the time comes.

I love the part where politics will not be involved in Asgardia:)

1. ok, apart the use of "Nation" instead of "State"

2. clarifications needed:
   (a) how we could "ensure peace in space"? by means of war/legal/other action(s) (bad habit IMHO) or "refusing to bring war into space" (correct)?
   (b) how we could "ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind from outer space threats"? is this some kind of "Stellar Defence Initiative" toward the space instead of Earth threats? (btw: Earth will pay the protection? ;-))

3. ok

4. lacks "religion", which is usually included in these kind of statements (side note, I'm agnostic).

5. ok.

6. ok.

7. ok.

8. same comment as pt. 1.

9. unrealistic, unless one wants to suppress the free thought and the real needs of asgardians: I feel political parties are a need, for the people, to express their needs and see them satisfied, on a real basis not on phylosophical ones only.
   If we'll also state, in the Constitution, that there should be the need of a Parliament to represent the people (representative democracy), parties are impossible to remove at all.

10. ok.

11. ok if removing "on Earth": there should be religion's freedom even if not public expression but private.

12. can't agree as it's currently written. I suggest rephrasing as "Asgardia will create it's own history but, as asgardians come from Earth, even Earth's one will be studied (as foreign history)".

This and, as others noticed, the title should be corrected: "Declaration of Unity of Asgardia".

That said, I'm feeling concerned by the fact an asgardian can't open another thread to discuss not this decree but an alternative form/proposal of it. By the way, the same asgardian results "banned" at the moment: may I ask if someone can point me to the thread/post where the reasons of the ban are made public, please?

1. " if he concurs"

I think HE is inappropriate.

I'm not a writing maven, but couldn't that be something like "if the person concurs"?

asgardia must engage in politics.

Because 'politics' is not defined, and it can mean a LOT of things, it is simply poorly worded.

Gender-neutral pronouns should be favoured, certainly - I interpreted it as some form of rough draft, hence wanting "feedback". And them managing to spell "Asgardia" wrong in the title(which should actually be templated in letterhead but cleverly they seem to write it every time. lol).

I mostly agree with all the declaration but I would like to look over the number 5."Asgardia respects the laws of the states on Earth and the international agreements and wishes to be recognized as equal country among other states on Earth". I think Asgardia should respect the laws that also respects the Declaration of Human Rights. I know and many will be able to corroborate with me that not all the countries on Earth follow these rights. I would like this matter to be discussed as it seems very important to me.

Thanks, A.P.C.

If going for anything with the UN it's almost certainly going to have to sign the UNDHR - but such rights if set out in our own documentation would be possibly better served in the "constitution" - if not in it's own seperate document.

First of all I like it and it reflect what asgardia is to become but history of earth cannot be ignored but should be looked upon as a lesson, so that the mistakes we made in the past is never repeated.

DECLARATION OF UNITY OF ASGARDA We, the free people of the first in the history of existing humanity Space country ASGARDIA, based on the birthright of Man in the universe, adopt this DECLARATION

Regarding the title and opening of the document - there is a spelling error for Asgardia. Possibly remove the word "free". Add "nation-state" after the word "first".
Or, simply re-word the sentence:

We, the people of the first space nation-state, Asgardia; hereby adopt this official document, DECLARATION of UNITY.

1. Asgardia is a free and unified space state.

The word "free" in this sentence is subjective. Are we buying something or is it related to "freedom".
Possibly re-word this sentence to: Asgardia - The Space Nation, is open for citizenship to all individuals of all earthly nation-states. The foundation of Asgardia is based on the concept of unity.

2. The objectives of Asgardia are to: ensure peace in space ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind from outer space threats; ensure equal opportunities in space for all Asgardians living on Earth, regardless of geographic, financial, technological and other features of the countries of their earthly citizenship.

Regarding the phrase, "ensure peace in space"; it is very broad in concept.
Perhaps re-word this sentence to: Ensure Earth's internationally-agreed space laws are applied to exemplify the idea of peace amongst Asgardia's citizens, on Earth as well as in space.

Regarding the phrase, "ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind from out space threat" - this seems lengthy and poor in structure.
Since we, on Earth, currently do not have protection from space threats; and this declaration, as a legal, true and correct document -
Could be re-worded to: Develop actionable programs identifying threats to Earth which originate from space; and, work together with Asgardians to develop programs to eventually protect Earth from these space threats.

Regarding the phrase, "ensure equal opportunities in space for all Asgardians living on Earth, regardless of geographic, financial, technological and other features of the countries of their earthly citizenship. Possibly re-word to: Ensure equal opportunities to all Asgardians, regardless of financial means, technological knowledge; and/or other real or perceived attributes of each Asgardian's earthly citizenship.

3. Any citizen of Earth can become a citizen of Asgardia, if he concurs with this Declaration, accepts the Future Constitution and legislation of Asgardia.

This could be re-worded better for clarity: Asgardian citizenship is available to any individual on Earth who agrees to comply with Asgardia's Declaration of Unity; the Asgardian Constitution and also abide by the present and future legislations approved by Asgardia's citizens or governing body.

4. All citizens of Asgardia are equal, regardless of their country of origin, residence, citizenship, race, nation, gender, language, or financial standing.

This seems repetitive. Also, "financial" is already mentioned previously in #2. For now, remove the words, "race", "gender" and "language". Add a separate item or statement should be in this document for age, race, gender, language, disabilities real or perceived. Possibly re-word the above sentence to: All citizens of Asgardia are considered equal - regardless of each citizen's Earthly country-of-origin, residence or citizenship.

5. Asgardia respects the laws of the states on Earth and the international agreements and wishes to be recognized as equal country among other states on Earth.

Possibly change "states" to "nation-states" or "nations". The sentence above is a run-on sentence. Possibly re-word to: Asgardia respects the internationally-agreed laws of the nation-states of Earth. Asgardia, as a whole, is working to be recognized as an equal nation-state amongst the nations of Earth.

6. Asgardia does not interfere in the affairs of the states on Earth on the principle of reciprocity.

Small change here maybe.
Possibly re-word this sentence to: Asgardia as a whole, and it's citizens; agree not to participate in the interference or disruption of any business or political affairs related to the nation-states of Earth.

7. Asgardia takes part in events on Earth at an international level, like any other country, based on its membership in respective international organizations.

The purpose of #7 is not discernible. Possibly remove this entire sentence.

8. Asgardia respects the rights of citizens of Earth states, and protects the rights of its own citizens when it comes to their exclusive rights as citizens of the Space State.

At this time, I would remove parts of this. We do not have any current legal documents for "rights" or "privileges" and so, we cannot sign a document related to such. Possibly re-word the above sentence to: Asgardia respects the rights of each of it's citizens as granted by each nation-state or earthly jurisdictions.

9. Asgardia does not engage in politics, there is no place for political parties in Asgardia. But every Asgardian can freely participate in political life on Earth.

Possibly remove this sentence. In my proposed edits for #6, the words "political affairs" can be placed there. OR, this sentence #9 could be re-worded to: Asgardia, as a whole, does not adhere to a political structure and; hence, there are no political parties within Asgardia. Every citizen of Asgardia is encouraged to participate in political affairs within their own nation on Earth.

10. Asgardia mirrors the Earth, but it does not reflect the Earth’s borders. At the same time, in the framework of earthly law every Asgardian can freely live within the borders of any earthly country.

Possibly remove #10 entirely.

11. Asgardia is a country of free spirit, science and internationalism. At the same time, every Asgardian can freely practice any religion on Earth.

This sentence seems weak and mixes ideas.
Possibly re-word to: Asgardia, does not promote any religious practices and no official religion is associated with Asgardia, now, nor in the future. The citizens of Asgardia and it's governing body encourages individuals who adhere to religious practices to do so in accordance with each citizen's beliefs on Earth only.

12. There is no place for Earth history in Asgardia. Asgardia creates a new history of the future of the humankind.

This sentence is not discernible.
Possibly re-word to: By accepting the Declaration of Unity for Asgardia; I hereby affirm a new future for humankind and I hereby embrace the Declaration of Unity for Asgardia.

DECLARATION OF UNITY OF ASGARDA We, the free people of the first in the history of existing humanity Space country ASGARDIA, based on the birthright of Man in the universe, adopt this DECLARATION We, the people of Asgardia, will do everything for the prosperity of our new space country created by us; for the protection of our motherland - planet Earth; and development of the entire humankind in space. One humanity - one unity. This Declaration is a primary document for the creation of ASGARDIA - the Space State

Spelling error. Should read: Declaration of Unity of Asgardia

Needs to be re-worded:

Declaration of Unity Asgardia - The Space Nation One Humanity - One Unity

Numerous have been raised with the Declaration of Unity. A cursory review of this thread indicates only a small minority finds it acceptable.

When will there be a response to the feedback? When will a revised version be published for review? When will a vote to ratify the final version be held? This thread can't fully reflect the opinions of Asgardians, the vast majority of whom have not posted in this thread.

I agree most of the declaration,but I wonder how can we prevent dictatorship or aristocracy from happening if there are no place for political parties?（point 9）
In the most nation that people have the right to vote,whether capitalist state or socialist countries,there will also be at least one political party representing the interests of the majority.