OK. Here are all my comments on the official draft. I tried to post this text last weekend but the server refused it because I exceeded the maximum amount of characters. I am trying here to abridge it a bit. Sorry for the repetitions with my earlier posts.
Chapter 1 , p. 4
"based on the birthright of Man in the universe"
replaced by something less human-centric such as
"based on the birthright of all sentient life in the universe"
The Universe is quite a big place and mankind is probably not the most intelligent species habiting it. So I would suggest a little more modesty. I consider it the birthright of all sentient being to try to survive, explore the environment, learn from experience and evolve in the direction of its choice.
Chapter 1, p. 4
"3. Any resident of Earth can become a citizen of Asgardia, as long as he assents in the [...]"
replaced by
"as long as he or she {...}"
Chapter 1, p. 4
"To ensure the protection of planet Earth and the entire humankind (from outer space threats);"
replaced by
"the protection of planet Earth and all its life forms"
Chapter 2, Article 2, p. 5
"Asgardia is a Constitutional Monarchy"
Why a monarchy? A monarchy is a relic of medieval feodalism, when the value of a person depended on the rank and status of the parents. I suggest Constitutional Monarchy be replaced by Constitutional Meritocracy (or Democratic Meritocracy) which is, in my view, what is being described in Article 32, Paragraphs 5 and 8 and also in Article 33, Paragraph 4.
Chapter 2, Article 4, Paragraph 4b
"b) protection of Earth and all of humanity from Space-originating threats;"
I would prefer "protection of planet Earth and all its inhabitants".
Chapter 3, Article 6, Paragraph 2
"2. Space citizenship of Asgardia is a special type of citizenship and does not constitute dual or second citizenship for the purposes of Earth nation citizenship. A citizen
of an Earth nation becoming a space citizen does not confer multiple citizenship status unless otherwise stipulated by an international treaty to which Asgardia is a
party."
As I understand this, an Asgardian citizen will only acquire double (or multiple) citizenship when Asgardia is recognized as a state in an international treaty. Am I correct on this?
Chapter 3, Article 9, Paragraph 4, p. 10
"5. Asgardian citizens must pay lawfully established taxes and levies."
Taxes on revenues obtained from the Asgardian economy would be paid to Asgardia whereas taxes on revenues obtained from another country's economy would be paid to the govenment of the country (as required by the laws of the country). Am I right on this?
Chapter 3, Article 9, Paragraph 9, p. 10
"9. Asgardian citizens must make a contribution to the creation of Asgardia’s resources to ensure the common good that is commensurate with their ability to do so."
I am eager to see the kind of (scientific) work will be available in the Asgardian economy.
Chapter 4, Article 11 on Human Resources, p. 12
Beautifully expressing the reasons why I joined the Asgardia project.
Chapter 4, Article 13, Paragraph 2
"2. Asgardia’s currency is the Gor."
I suppose the details on this have yet to be determined.
Chapter 4, Article 13, Paragraph 2
"5. Asgardia’s sovereign currency is issued by the National Bank in the amount tied to the ideal parameters of the Moon set by a special law of Asgardia."
What does "ideal parameters of the Moon" means?
Chapter 4, Article 14 on Scientific Resources, p. 14
Another great article.
Chapter 7, Article 22, Paragraph 5, p. 18
"that is harmful to morality"
replaced by
"that is harmful to natural morality"
natural morality being understood as not hurting anyone (physically or psychologically)and providing help when possible to someone in distress.
Chapter 7, Article 26, Paragraph 2
"2. Asgardia’s national symbols are chosen via a referendum [..]"
Could transcripts of the proposed national anthems be made available before the referendum?
Chapter 8, Article 32, Paragraph 2, p. 24
"2. When dealing with other heads of state, Asgardia’s Head of State may also be referred to as the President, Monarch, King and otherwise in accordance with protocol
depending on the other party."
Monarch and king are outdated attributes. They are usually acquired by birthright and transmissible from one generation to the next.
Chapter 8, Article 32, Paragraph 4, p. 24
"4. The maximum age limit for the Head of State position is 75 years."
Although this does not seem too unreasonable, some may consider this as ageism.
Chapter 8, Article 32, Paragraph 5, p. 24
"5. One year prior to reaching the age limit or in the event of a voluntary resignation, the Head of State nominates a candidate for the position of Head of State on a
hereditary or other basis.[...]"
I would remove "on a hereditary or other basis". This is too suggestive of feudalism.
Chapter 8, Artilce 32, Paragraph 11, p. 25
"11. The Head of State enjoys immunity and is granted a lifetime guarantee of personal safety and the safety of his/her property after leaving the role."
Here, I disagree. In case of gross fraud or corruption, no one should be immune from justice. On the other hand, there could be some form of protection against prosecutions resulting from an erroneous decision made in good faith but leading to some damages.
Chapter 8, Article 32, Paragraph 12g, p. 25
"g) grants clemency;"
replaced by
"g) grants clemency, except in cases of crimes against humanity,and clemency subjected to approval by Parliament and by Council of Supreme Values;"
Chapter 8, Article 34, Paragraph 3, p. 27
"3. Members of Parliament are elected for terms of five years from among Asgardian citizens who have reached the age of 50."
Any justification for this minimum age of 50? Ageism, again!
Note:
Many of these critiques have already been expressed by others. I am sorry for the repetitions.